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Friday, November 18, 2005

USC Jokes

Here is a reprint from some of my famous all time funny USC jokes. Go Bruins!

This is for all you Orange County USC graduates out here. They grow on trees down here.
1.What do USC and UCLA students have in common? They both got in to USC
2.A Trojan grad and a Bruin grad were on death row. The warden came to them to ask them if they had any last requests. The Trojan said, “I’d just like to hear ‘Conquest’ one last time.” When the warden asked the Bruin what his last request was, he replied, “kill me first.”
3.Did you hear the library at USC burned down?
They lost both books, and one hadn’t even been colored in yet.
4.A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, “Wanna hear a USC joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I’m 6’ tall, 200 lbs., and I’m a USC graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2”, weighs 225, and he’s a USC graduate. The fella next to him is 6’5” tall, weighs 250, and he’s a USC graduate. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?
The first guy replies: “Naw, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”
5.Members of the USC football team were placed in a remedial English class. “Because we are all new on campus we are going to start with the basics,” the professor explained. “Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?” All of the players raised their hands. “The appeal!” they all shouted with pride.
6.Q: What are the best four years of a Trojan’s life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Trojan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why doesn’t USC have ice on the sidelines?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.
Q: What do you get when you drive slowly by the USC campus?
A: A degree.
Q: What does the average USC player get on his SAT’s?
A: Drool.
My personal favorite:
Q: How do you get a USC graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza


  • At 2:30 PM, Blogger L.A. Woman said…

    LOVE IT! Go Bruins!

  • At 9:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…



    (who would want to live across the street from a crack house/brothel anyway?)

  • At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Annie @ UCLA said…

    wooo hooo
    go bruins!
    i was googling ucla usc jokes for my com studies class at ucla.
    love this post!

  • At 4:46 PM, Blogger stephanie said…

    LOVE IT !
    I have a usc joke too! well more like a phrase I thought when someone asked why UClA was better than USC :

    USC... Half the school, twice the price!

  • At 9:37 PM, Blogger Laura said…

    I love this!!!!
    I am a Cal Bear, but have tons of UCLA pride!

  • At 8:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I guess Bruins don't have anything else better to do then to bash...good going...don't hate...we own the rose bowl...we just let you play in it

  • At 1:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm going to USC...

    But this is still funny shit!

  • At 2:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I like how the sc fan says "we own the rose bowl" as if he plays on the team....lmao @ these delusional trojan fans....

  • At 8:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    haha half the people that back usc could never get in there nor understand the value of a fantastic education in a beautifl city vs football.

  • At 12:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    read it and weep asians..

  • At 9:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Q: Why go to USC rather than UCLA? A: Because it's easier to spell.

  • At 7:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Why did UCLA have to put artificial turf on the field? To keep the USC cheerleaders from grazing.

  • At 11:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ahah f.u.c.k. tha trojans at least my mascott isnt a freakin condom brand


  • At 12:55 PM, Blogger Anonymous said…

    I'm an Irish fan, and this page is brilliant.

  • At 12:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Question: How many USC football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Answer: One, but they all get credit for it.

    GO BRUINS!!!!!

  • At 9:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Trojans are good only once!

  • At 12:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Not sure what ranking you're referring to. The rankings STILL show UCLA ranked higher. Plus we already know the graduation rates of the football teams.
    What's the difference between a puppy and an SC fan? A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.

  • At 8:14 PM, Anonymous Vicki said…

    Well, when I was a student at the HARD school, UCLA, where you actually had to work to get your grades, and were told that you would be flunked out in your senior year if you stopped working, we had several sayings, to wit:

    At USC, you pay you fee, and get your C.

    A Bruin is forever, but a Trojan is only good once (maybe)

    Trojans always fail in the end

    and we had a booster button with Gucci colors and the famous Gucci stripe, with U$C emblazoned in the middle.


  • At 8:23 PM, Anonymous Vicki said…

    I just saw the comment asking how many USC football players it takes to screw in a light bulb. I always thought that that the answer was none, since they always screwed in hot tubs at Daddy's mansion.


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